Where it started… Apparently.

Year 5

I’ve been told numerous times over my 29 years that it all started when I was 5. But that’s such a young age to already be dealing with mental illness? Apparently it’s not. They diagnosed me and put me on medication. That’s probably where half my problems stemmed from… the damn medication at 5 years old that alters the chemicals in your brain to “help” you.

Selective Mutism

Diagnostic criteria ;

A) consistent failure to speak in specific social situations in which there is an expectation for speaking (e.g., school) despite speaking in other situations.

B) the disturbance interferes with educational or occupational achievement or with social communication.

C) the duration of the disturbance is at least 1 month. (Not limited to the first month of school)

D) the failure to speak is not attributable to a lack of knowledge of, or comfort with, the spoken language required in the social situation.

E) the disturbance is not better explained by a communication disorder (e.g., childhood onset fluency disorder) and does not occur exclusively during the course of autism spectrum disorder, schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.

According to the DSM-5, the risk and prognostic factors include temperamental, environment, genetic and physiological factors. Specifically stating in environmental factors that parents of children with selective mutism have been described as overprotective or more controlling than parents of children with other anxiety disorders or no disorder.

Paxel | Paroxetine | Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI)

May treat: clinical depression, social anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, premenstral syndrome, obsessive compulsive disorder, postpartum depression, fibromyalgia, body dysmorphic disorder, kleptomania, premenstral dysphoric disorder, hypochondria, pathological laugher and crying, agoraphobia, trichotillomania.

Don’t get me started on the side effects. And they gave this to a 5 year old!! Me, I was the 5 year old and do you know when I “grew” out of this selective mutism as they say.. between the age of 9 and 10. Now I can’t remember completely if I had been on the medication for this many years, but I was on it long enough to know that it didn’t work and in fact harmed my brain more than it did anything to help me. As here I am, classified as a patient who is “resistant” to antidepressants.

How does a 5 year old have social anxiety [selective mutism] without any prior instances to cause it. Or did something in fact actually cause this anxiety on set at such a young age? What happened? Will I ever know the cause? It’s a question I frequently find myself wondering. Wondering if this is the first of many experiences to create the very mentally ill person I’ve become.